So many times over the past 2 months I have heard
"God will bless you for doing this",
"You are an amazing person",
"You have saved her".
I have such a hard time with all these.
And I couldn't explain it........until now.
I don't feel like a hero, I don't feel like I can take ANY credit here.
Mike was playing with Olivia the other night and said
"I'm so glad Mommy chose you",
that made me feel really weird......
What about all the kids Mommy didn't choose......
I was laying in bed the other night thinking about all these phrases I keep hearing and why they bother me.....
It's because I didn't do this,
I didn't choose her, I didn't save her.......
GOD DID!
I can not, will not take credit for this,
God GAVE her to us. God CHOSE her for us.
God SAVED her.
God loves her more than I could ever possibly imagine.
He took her from a sad and lonely place and brought her here to our home and our family.
Now what about all those other kids?
My heart is breaking.....
My heart is FOREVER changed.....
I cannot go on and pretend like I am content with my life.....
Don't get me wrong, I am happy, VERY happy.
I have an absolutely AMAZING husband, and four beautiful children.
However, I do not feel like I am suppose to just live this life of ease and wealth (not that we are rich monetarily by any means, but we do have everything we NEED), when there are children all over this world, starving for food......
for attention........
for LOVE.
I feel God has layed the orphans on my heart and I cannot will not ignore Him.
This verse from Proverbs 24:12 tells us
"Once our eyes are opened we cannot
pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps
our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act.
This is such a powerful verse.
Read it again,
God knows we know, and holds us responsible to act..........
he WEIGHS our hearts and KEEPS our souls......
Another reoccuring phrase I keep hearing is
"You've done your part, you've adopted one."
I don't feel like my part is done.......I feel like I am to do more. Many people can adopt one and be done. And that is fine for them. God may have planned only one adoption for them and then something else in and with their life. And I'm not saying the act of adoption is for everyone. Some aren't neccessarily meant to adopt a child, but I do believe everyone is meant to have some part in it, whether it be financial support, advocating, or just praying
So what am I going to do......not sure yet.....I'm praying and I'm
asking you to pray with me.
Pray for me and clarity and even more pray for the 147
MILLION orphans in this world.
Amen! Katie, have you heard the Josh Wilson song, "I refuse"? If not find it on youtube or somewhere and listen. That song is part of what gave me and Tim our marching orders to adopt.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of whether we'll adopt again or not...there is a little girl on the BAAS site that I would LOI for if we could. She is beautiful and really needs a family. Hopefully, for her, she won't still be there when we hit 6 months.
Wow! What an amazing testimony that is just at it's beginning! I'm so excited to see where God is leading you!!! Love you friend:)
ReplyDeleteI love your conviction in this message. It's such a blessing to read your posts. Thank you for sharing specifically how God is changing your life, Olivia's life, and infinite others. Praying, Kim
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