Forgiveness.......

So today is "Birth mom" Day........I have such mixed emotions. So many people post thanks and love to their children's birth mom, but I'm really having a hard time with it. The bottom line is the orphan crisis sucks, and I so wish "orphan" was a non-existent word. That babies weren't being left, abandoned for whatever reason or excuse they were or were not given. The truth is I have no idea why Olivia's birth parents abandoned her on a road in a VERY cold time of year. Am I thankful they didn't abort her, of course, am I thankful she's now my daughter, ABSOLUTELY. But adoption comes with trauma, the truth remains that she lived her first three years as an orphan, for three years she had no family, and for the rest of her life she will never know her biological family history or even her true birthdate. She will however know love and she will know God, who will give her the most comfort. Unfortunately life is never easy, many of us go through trauma. Mike's mom suffering from cancer for ten years and dying when he was 19 was a horrible traumatic experience for him and his siblings. Many know the sufferings of Cancer or the loss of a loved one, divorce, or even abandonment. Many people all over the world are starving or homeless, and don't even let me get started on the problem of children led homes. Did you know that America, being one of the richest countries in the world, is failing horribly in Faith? These third world countries of starving and homeless people and abandoned children have more faith in God (Christians) than us Americans could dream of having.......but that's another post for another day....
It is said over and over in the Bible that we (Christians) will suffer and we will have sorrow. Just google "verses about suffering", this one was my favorite.

Romans 5:3-5
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Olivia is an amazing little girl, with indescribable character, she is determined, headstrong, and independent. I often wonder is that something she got from her birth mom or birth dad, or was it a God given gift to help her survive at 3 1/2 pounds while waiting for someone to find her that cold February day. There are so many unknowns, I have often wondered why and I have answered "hopefully it was because they just couldn't give her the help she needed, they hoped someone else could." I have anger too, I'll admit, and I HAVE to find it in myself to forgive them. God commands us to forgive others as He forgives us. I just love this little girl SO much and I think "How?" "How could you just leave her there?" Many what ifs run through my mind often. Then God reminds me "I love her more, I took care of her then and will always." So at the end of this day I have learned I must forgive. It doesn't matter why, it's done, and thankfully God lead me to her and I now have another beautiful, amazing daughter. As I watched her tonight specifically call each of her siblings to give them kisses and tell them "I wuv ooo 2, nat (night)!" I was filled with such joy, she now knows love. It was precious and wonderful and I am so thankful that God loves ME so much that He would trust me with another child to call mine while on this earth.
I don't know if Mother's Day is celebrated in China but I do hope that her Birth mom has some feeling of comfort and can rest that her baby is being loved and is no longer an orphan.



I use this blog as a journal of my feelings and experiences and even more a place to talk about God and His amazing works in our life. I felt the need to write the feelings I've had today without really knowing how this post would end. As I typed God showed me, I need to find forgiveness. What an amazing God we serve!